sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
