girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
