Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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