I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
