Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
