If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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