So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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