Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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