There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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