there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
