I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
