woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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