My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
