Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
