yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
