Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
