dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
