Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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