I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
