Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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