my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
