Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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