fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
