if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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