How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
ttyl tear gas
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
