I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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