So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
