I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
