dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
