dude i'm inner monologue high
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
