What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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