I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This house was built for laser tag.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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