i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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