Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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