All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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