I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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