You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
