He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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