I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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