So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I want you more than these girls want KFC
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The cops high fived after they tackled you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
