you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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