Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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