ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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