he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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