There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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