Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
