he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
