They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize