Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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