well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
