woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize