does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
