I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Barsexuality is the new black.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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