Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
