You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
