I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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