she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize