So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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