i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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