haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
