is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
