He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
