If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
