went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
