i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
