even my farts smell like vagina
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
