weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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