just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
