So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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