Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
