Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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