I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
