The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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